News

Dear Ed, 

As a member of Hawkinge Parish Council I am enjoying watching your poll which indicates we should need to vote at the election in May. 

I'm particularly pleased to see the number of people who want to become councillors. My question though is this....How many would qualify?

To help them find that answer I set out below the requirements and qualifications that have to be be met.

Be aged over sixty
Have a large portion of intelligence as have the present incumbents.
Degree preferable or one 'O' level
Have an ability to sink a lot of free wine and sandwiches and mince pies.
Have an ability to participate in a 'bear garden' atmosphere
Have an ability to sing in tune at the annual Christmas bash in the Community Centre
Possess at least an 'O' minus level in English language obtained at a local secondary school
Have an ability to not mention it or be embarrassed if somebody has made a smell
Have ability to take shorthand and type to help the clerk when busy
Have an ability to accept being thwarted at every turn
Have an ability to accept not finishing meetings until 3am
Have an ability to think things through and come out the other side
Must have moved in to the area recently
Able to smile at people you hate
Be able to speak over everybody else
Should have a vague understanding of what the 'partnership' is
Have determination to not comment on the features of other members
Know where Hawkinge is and know what it means
AND finally....not weigh over seven stone (Flimsy chairs)

Peter Hogben 
Hawkinge Parish Council clown